A Sick Joke?
by Trivette Lover Heather
Summary: Boy did Hawkeye get a letter he wasn't expecting....from Henry?
1. Phone call

AN: I have to admit, I've been a bit discouraged from the lack of reviews as of late. I guess my writing has been lacking. I'm going to write this and do my best to think of something that will intrigue all of you as well as myself.  
  
--- A Sick Joke? By: Trivette Lover Heather  
  
The dark haired man ripped open the envelope and began to read. The trusty company clerk peering over his shoulders.  
  
_"Dear Pierce,  
  
How are things at the 4077th? No real details needed, let a lone wanted, but I'd love to know how things are.  
  
Honestly, I still cant come to terms with being home, it's wonderful don't get me wrong, its just weird. My practice is running pretty smoothly and the kids are great.  
  
My baby boy is getting to know me better and the more I feed him the more he loves me. Not to mention his mother.  
  
Anyhoo, just wanted to check in. Hope all is well, Bye Pierce, Say Hi to the kid for me, I don't have the heart to write him  
  
-Henry Blake"  
_  
The envelope had read, Bloomington, IL. They both had thought it was simply a letter from his wife and family. But they were wrong, and it was the only time they could remember when being wrong was a good thing.  
  
"Radar, did you just read what I just read?" Hawkeye lowered the letter and looked at the shorter man standing beside him.  
  
"Sir? I think I did just read what you just read." He sighed. "Is this some sort of a joke sir?  
  
"I don't know Radar, but if it isn't. That means..."  
  
"He's not dead sir!"  
  
"Good deduction Radar."

"Deduction sir?" The young man looked confused.  
  
"Never mind....let's get on the horn...to Bloomington."  
  
--  
  
Please review and Take care - TLH ‡


	2. Getting Through

A Sick Joke Ch. 2  
  
By: TLH --  
  
The two raced through the compound and bursted through the office doors. The Corporal started to make the calls needed, while Hawkeye went to retrieve Trapper.  
  
Trapper John had been nursing a cup of coffee when his cohort startled him with a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Pardon my interruption Mr. Coffee sir, but this is urgent."  
  
Trapper looked up. "What's up?"  
  
"You're not gonna believe the letter I just got."  
  
Hawkeye explained the rest as they made their way back to the office.  
  
"Anything Radar?" Hawkeye asked taking a seat on the corner of the Corporals desk.  
  
"I'm in San Francisco sir" he wiped his hand over his face.  
  
Trapper placed a hand on the mans shoulder. "Relax Radar, this could be great news."  
  
"Right sir—I know that sir..." he nodded. "Yes, San Francisco...I'm heading for Illinois, yes a wounded soldier calling from Korea...please hurry."  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye glanced at each other. "Radar did you just fib?"  
  
Radar looked ashamed. "Sorry sirs"  
  
Hawkeye smiled. "It's alright Radar... we're all fibbers."  
  
"Even Majors sir?" his eyes widened.  
  
Just then Frank entered with a folder in hand. "What are you two delinquents doing here?"  
  
Trapper shrugged. "We work here Frank."  
  
"You?" Hawkeye asked with a grin.  
  
"That's not important! I see you're pestering this young man once again... to help you keep giving this mans army a bad name no doubt!"  
  
The two surgeons hadn't paid any attention to him, as they had their eyes fixed back on Radar.  
  
"Well! Fine, don't listen! I didn't want to talk to you anyhow!" Frank huffed then headed into his new office.  
  
"Yes Illinois... I got a wounded man here in Korea, needs to talk with his young boy before he goes into surgery... he lives in Bloomington...last name Blake, first name Henry.... Really? ... She's putting us through...." Radar had begun to breathe deeper.  
  
"Give me the phone Radar, before you hurt yourself." Hawkeye took it and heard the rings on the other end, his stomach churning.  
  
"Hello" the reply came from the other end.  
  
Hawkeye's mouth opened...and with a thud the receiver in his hand had fallen onto the desk...  
  
END CH. 2 


	3. Who's This?

A Sick Joke? Ch. 3 --  
  
Trapper grabbed the phone and put it to his ear.  
  
"Henry? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes, who's this?"  
  
"HEY! HEY!" Trapper yelled, jumping a few feet off the ground. "Henry! It's me Trapper...from Korea!"  
  
"Macintyre! What are you doing calling me?!"  
  
"Nice to hear your voice too Henry." Trapper grinned big. "We miss you buddy."  
  
Henry scratched his head on the other end, he could barely hear. "Did you just call me Honey?"  
  
Hawkeye had the phone at this point. "I'll call you anything you want cowboy!"  
  
"Pierce, no doubt."  
  
"Henry! We thought you were killed!"  
  
"A Hill? Was a hill just taken?"  
  
Hawkeye shook his head. "No Henry! We...thought...you... were...dead" He spelled out loudly so his Colonel could hear him!  
  
"I'm fine Pierce, didn't you get my letter?"  
  
"Yes, that's why I had to call... the army said you're plane as shot down."  
  
"No, the plane that I was supposed to be on did... I missed it by three minutes, we got stopped at a check point... but gee, I sure was glad we did...boy! Those army buttheads..."  
  
"Tell me about it!"  
  
"How are things back at the ranch?"  
  
"Still the Korean war...but this is great news! I'm so glad Henry." He smiled big, making eye contact with his two friends, tears forming slowly.  
  
"Hey is the kid around? Let me talk to him..."  
  
"Sure here he is... yup, bye Henry..."  
  
Radar grabbed the phone quickly. "Sir... Sir??...hello... Colonel Sir?" The phone went dead and he placed it back in its place.  
  
"Sorry Radar." Hawkeye apologized.  
  
"It's all right sir, I'm just happy he's alright."  
  
"I can't believe it!" Trapper chimed in, still beaming from head to toe.  
  
Hawkeye pressed the PA button and shared the news!  
  
--  
  
"Honey, the army told my outfit I was killed on the way home, those silly do dos."  
  
She smiled. "I don't even want to hear the word army for the rest of my life." She kissed him and they embraced.  
  
--  
  
As Frank Burns listened to the PA. He leaned back in his chair and smiled slightly.  
  
"I'm happy for ya Henry."  
--  
THE END . CH 3.  
  
Alternate ending follows. AN: Please review. 


	4. Alt Ending

A Sick Joke Ch. 4 Alternate Ending. By TLH  
  
--  
  
Trapper grabbed the receiver.  
  
"Henry? Is that you?"  
  
"No, this is his son, my daddy doesn't live here anymore...he's with God now."  
  
Trapper sighed as he heard the Mother ask who it was and grab the receiver.  
  
"Sorry about that...he's only five... he loves talking on the phone, I'm Mrs. Blake can I help you."  
  
Trapper looked up at his friends, speechless. "Hello..." he took a deep breath. "This is Captain John Macintyre; I served with your husband in his unit."  
  
"Ah yes, I heard some about you, in his letters. He said you and the other man, Hawkeye I think it was, he said you were the best he'd ever seen. He loved you men."  
  
Trapper struggled to swallow as the frog in his throat grew. "Yes-well thank you- we loved Henry too." He stopped as he heard the crying from the other end of the receiver. "I'm sorry Mrs. Blake; I didn't mean to upset you."  
  
Hawkeye had grabbed Radars shoulders and tried to console his disappointment.  
  
"I know ma'am...he was a great man...I'm so sorry...He...I'm sorry...just let it out... it's alright...I know...I know..." He did his best to comfort the wife of his beloved Colonel. "You'd like to talk to who?...absolutely...one second...."  
  
Hawkeye reached out but Trapper shook his head and handed it to Radar. As the young Corporal composed himself he grabbed the phone. "Ma'am...this is Radar O' Reilly...yes ma'am I did...I loved him very much... he was the bestest colonel I ever knew...I know ma'am...thank you ma'am...I'm sorry...I truly am..."  
  
Just then the reception ended and he slowly put the receiver back. His head hung low and he wallowed over to his cot and grabbed his bear, not saying a word to either of the Captains.  
  
The two Captains exchanged glances and headed back to their tent.  
  
Trapper sulked down onto his cot quietly, and closed his eyes. Causing a tear or two to fall as the tears had welled up in his eyes.  
  
"A drink?" his bunkmate asked shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"To what?"  
  
"To killing who ever was behind this sick joke."  
  
"I'll drink to that...and while we're at it...lets drink to the bestest colonel Radar ever knew..."  
  
--  
  
THE END. CH 4 ALT ENDING

AN: Who is behind this? Stay tuned to find out...please let me know what you think it may be...


	5. Who dun it?

A Sick Joke 5 By: TLH --  
  
Trapper sat up in his cot sulking. "It's obvious who it was."  
  
The two nodded. "Major Frank Burns"   
  
"The Devil Incarnate" Trapper echoed his friend.  
  
The two stood up quickly, grabbing the letter and heading to the office to visit old ferret face.  
  
Hawkeye slammed the letter down on his desk.  
  
"What the hell is the meaning of this Frank?"  
  
Frank quickly grabbed the letter and began to read it. "This is preposterous! Henry is alive! That's great—I mean so the army made a mistake, it's not my fault—I'd think the two of you would be happy...I ..."  
  
"You mean to tell me you didn't write that letter as a joke Frank?"  
  
Frank looked disgusted. "I would never..."  
  
"You better not lie to us Frank, or so help me, we will tie your butt to the flag pole!" Hawkeye hollered pointing to the Majors back side.  
  
"Listen..._Captains... _I may be diabolical at times, but nothing like this... I assure you I had nothing to do with it."  
  
Strangely enough, it looked as though Frank was telling the truth, and after all, they had no proof it _was_ Frank.  
  
"Alright Frank, but we're gonna find out who is behind this, and you better pray to all that is holy, we don't find out it was you." Hawkeye replied, grabbing the letter and exiting the office, Trapper close behind.  
  
"I think the fink is telling the truth." Trapper offered as the two headed back to the SWAMP.  
  
"Makes me want to throw up." Hawkeye retorted, heading straight for the still.  
  
"Who else could it have been Hawk?"  
  
"Beats the hell outta me."  
  
"Who else did Henry have a beef with?"  
  
"Not only that, but a beef big enough to pull something like this on us..."  
  
Trapper snapped his fingers. "Maybe that's it ...maybes it's not someone with a beef with Henry, but a beef with us... or Radar."  
  
"Radar?...Trapper my friend, if _Radar _has an enemy in this mans army, I'm Teddy Roosevelt's wife!"  
  
Trapper smirked a bit. "I'm serious, I mean it makes sense...it did hurt us."  
  
"True, but how do we start the search, we have no leads, no evidence..."  
  
"Good question." Trapper replied scratching his head. "Let's drink, it'll come to us."  
  
--  
  
END Ch. 5  
  
AN: Though I don't drink, I sure hope it comes to me. Please review, it helps me, help you. – TLH † 


	6. No way

?user=henryblake

A Sick Joke 6 – FINAL  
ENJOY! --  
  
"We could do interviews...yeah...set up times and interview everyone in camp." Trapper sat up, getting the idea.  
  
"Guess that could work...you uh, want to start now?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
Trapper took a sip of his martini. "Let's just have one more." He poured himself some more gin. "In fact, make that two more."  
  
-- Hours later the two assembled what seemed to be most of the camp, into the mess tent. They explained the mysterious letter and gave the culprit the chance to identify themselves, but sadly enough, though not surprisingly no one came forward. They went on to schedule interviews with each member of the unit. Frank, in a weird mood, allowed this to take place, though Hawkeye knew it was because he had some sort of respect for Henry at some point in time. --  
  
The two laid out the schedule and went through each, one by one.  
  
"Nothing, nada, zilch." Trapper commented, closing his folder.  
  
"Thank you, Webster's thesaurus...I can't finger anyone, not one person looked the least bit guilty."  
  
"Maybe we should just forget it Hawk..."  
  
"Nope, I mean there must have been some one we missed..."  
  
Trapper looked through once more. "We got everyone, well except Father Mulcahy, but..."  
  
An odd look went across Hawkeye's face.  
  
"Hawk ... you don't think the Father would..."  
  
"It doesn't hurt to ask..."  
  
"Maybe for you, but I don't want God to be pissed at me for accusing the Father of something he would never do..."  
  
"Who knows Trap, we've all cracked under the pressure of this place, why should the Father be an exception?" Hawkeye finished, standing up.  
  
"You're going solo on this one pal." Trapper replied.  
  
"Suit yourself." Hawkeye said starting to exit the tent. "But let's hope you won't be sorry...or me either for that matter."  
  
--  
  
It was just about the slowest walk across the compound he had ever taken. As he approached the chaplain's door, he lifted to hand to knock, but the door swung open before he had a chance...  
  
"Hawkeye, why, come on in...I thought I heard someone outside."  
  
He shrugged. "Listen Father, I can't stay long, I just came to talk."  
  
"Of course my son." He grabbed a chair and slid it out for Hawkeye to sit on.  
  
"Father, this isn't easy for me to ask...but..." He took a deep breath, looking back into the Fathers intently listening eyes. "You know that prank letter we got...that was supposedly from Henry..."  
  
"Yes of course, I've been praying for whoever it was that they would come forward."  
  
"Uh huh." Hawkeye replied. "Never mind Father, I'll be fine!" He headed to the door.  
  
"No, Hawkeye please, you came with a need, please let me help you fill it."  
  
"I don't think you can Father, well at least I hope you can't"  
  
The Father scratched his head. "I am confused."  
  
"That makes two of us...listen Father; I just came to ask you ...to ask you....if you had anything to do with that letter." He finished the last part faster than he ever had before. And without an answer, quickly continued. "I didn't think so, Thanks for your time Father, Goodbye."  
  
Half way through the door, he was stopped cold.  
  
"Hawkeye wait...please, sit down."  
  
He did so without a word. "I lied before, when I said I hoped who did it would come forward... well it seems, I have a confession to make." He held his head low.  
  
"This should be the other way around Father." He commented, a shocked look on his face. "Don't tell me..."  
  
"I'm afraid so Hawkeye, I just feel so unloved in this place, I feel so alone. No friends to understand me, I was jealous, jealous of what you, Trapper, Radar and Henry had. I felt so left out, and thought the only way I could feel better was by getting back at you somehow. And though I know it was against all I believe, I gave into the temptation and sinned...I ... I am so ashamed..."  
  
Hawkeye couldn't believe his ears. He didn't now what to say. He sighed...  
  
"Father, how could you! You...you...you're a Priest!"  
  
The Father didn't reply, only hung his head lower. Hawkeye sighed once more, "Father look, I...you....uh...we all makes mistakes...and I know you're sorry. But you really hurt us, you dug the knife in deeper...and...if you'll apologize to Trap, and Radar. I think we will be able to let it go."  
  
"I will spend the rest of the war making it up to you Hawkeye."  
  
"You wouldn't have to, if you only knew what you mean to this camp, Father we adore you, and forgive us for not showing it enough."  
  
The two conversed for a little while longer. And the Father walked with Hawkeye to meet with Trapper then finally Radar. The secret was kept between the four men, for the rest of the war. And as soon as the next batch of wounded rolled in, the event seemed like it never existed. Funny thing, war. Does things to people.  
  
-- THE END  
  
AN: I know, they loved the Father; let him play in poker games etc. But he wasn't as tight with them ya know. Anyway, let me know what you think. Also, no offence to Priests, not that there are any reading this, though there may be...Its just fiction, we all know the real Father would never do such a thing... Take care – TLH†


End file.
